When a young girl feels complicit in her own abuse, how does that thwart her attempts to build a happy life as an adult woman?
When disturbing memories begin to surface, Marti returns to the small Vermont town she ran away from thirty years ago to face her demons. She drags her unwitting teenage daughter along on the journey—heightening already existing tension between mother and daughter. But Marti is determined to achieve what she’s returned home for: forgiveness for lies told, and revenge for secrets held.
Exploring the vast social changes that took place between 1970 and 2000 and turning a critical eye on times before language such as #MeToo helped give voice to these all-too-common occurrences, What Was Lost is a raw, powerful tale of one woman confronting the ghosts of her past. (Synopsis courtesy of Goodreads.)
What Was Lost is a gripping experience. Told from Marti’s perspective from the past and in the present, the reader gains a better perspective when it comes to who Marti is, particularly when it comes to her inner struggles and the issues she faces when it comes to parenting her daughter. Marti has always felt some sort of disconnect with her daughter, despite the powerful love she has for her, with walls that have been in place for decades.
The trip was initially meant to be a means of apology to a family who meant everything to Marti when she was young. From there, so much of her past, which she’s kept shoved down deep in places she refuses to acknowledge, seeps out and won’t leave her. It affects everything for her. I really appreciated the writing style displayed by the author–I felt like I was really inside Marti’s head, for better or for worse, no matter what. There are times when I wanted to tell her to stop what she’s doing, or to tell someone, and when it comes to the fractured relationship with her daughter, I wanted her to have more grace and to be honest about the reason they’re in Vermont to begin with. Despite the many times Marti makes choices I would never make, they are choices that are real and raw, so much of it based on experiences she’d had and suffered through, back when she was young and didn’t realize she could have more of a voice than she ever thought she could.
The sad thing is, and what is pointed out repeatedly throughout the story, is that despite the times Marti either wanted to use her voice and felt she couldn’t, and even when she does, it goes unnoticed. How realistic. So many people failed Marti, no matter how many people may have cared about her. There was no comfort in being open and verbal during a time when a young girl felt she had no means of protection against a society that protected those with authority, particularly when dealing with someone who knows they have the upper hand. There are some pretty explicit scenes that are painful to read, but it all supports the characterization of adult Marti, and her demons. It takes a scary moment pertaining to her daughter that assists in giving Marti the push she needs to finally face those demons head on.
She has to do it as a means of showing that it’s OK to have strength; that it’s OK to say no and to seek guidance and help. Ultimately, because Marti has to be the role model she knows her daughter needs her to be, and it’s OK if she’s flawed and imperfect. I loved the last few chapters when we get to see Marti’s standoff, and when she finally lets her daughter in. I think I may have gotten teary-eyed at that, too. It felt like the steps Marti needs to take to healing–something she’s wanted for most of her life. What Was Lost is touching, disturbing, and heart-jarring, and the best honest stories are that way. A definite five-star experience!
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