Go-to-Gay: My Funny Valentine

L to R: Keith and Andy

Our Go-to-Gay, Keith Stewart, is here to help us celebrate Valentine's Day! He has a predicament this year, but we think he resolved it pretty well. We hope his idea goes over well with Andy and that Keith gets a special Valentine's Day surprise, as well.

Take it away, Go-to-Gay!

Valentine’s Day is a stressful holiday for me. After being with the same person for 17 years now, I am all out of original gift ideas.
It was a good run.

I have done well over the years. It was so easy in the beginning. I can remember the first few VDs when just a romantic dinner and a card was enough.
When love is new, romantic gifts are great. Rubbing oils, sexy underwear, satin sheets. Those are really the years a couple appreciates Valentine’s Day.
Then, there were the spa years—massages, facials, mani/pedis, and day passes.
Tickets to shows and concerts and other events were also good years.
Even shifting into the staying home and cooking a nice meal year worked out well.
But this year, I have hit the wall. I am blank. I’m tapped out.
The bloom is off the Valentine’s Day rose.

We are both dieting, so chocolate or candy is out the question. The thought of sexy underwear on either one of us at this point makes us both guffaw. We already eat out most of our meals these days. So where does that leave me? In V-Day Wasteland.

The only idea I could come up with that wasn’t totally lame, and if I’m being honest, it’s still a little lame, was a homemade game of Valentine’s Day Trivia. Andy is a trivia buff, so I figure this would be fun for him.
I am not sure how the scoring will go or what the winner will get. That is still to be determined. We could always go adventurous and make it a strip trivia game, or we could take a shot of whiskey after each wrong answer. Odds are we will end up arguing over the legitimacy of some of the answers and call it night, but after 17 years, what more can you expect?
I thought I would share with you a few of the Valentine’s Day trivia facts I scoured the internet to find, just in case you find yourself in the same predicament as I am in today.

Valentine’s Day Trivia
• Who created the first Valentine’s Day box of candy?
o Cadburys

• Who receives the most Valentine’s Day cards?
o Teachers (followed by children, mothers, then wives)

• What state produces the most roses?
o California

• Statistically, a woman who purchases flowers on Valentine’s Day is most likely buying for whom?
o Herself

• How many Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year?
o One Billion

• Who is Cupid’s mother?
o Venus, the goddess of love

• What year was the first Valentine’s Day card sent?
o 1415

• On average, how many wedding proposals are given on Valentine’s Day?
o 220,000

• How much does the average man spend on Valentine’s Day?
o $130

• How many roses will be sent during Valentine’s Day?
o 110 Million

Pretty cool trivia, huh?! OK, I admit the game may not go over gangbusters. I’ll probably throw in a bottle of bourbon just in case.

What are YOU doing this Valentine’s Day?


Keith Stewart is the author of Bernadette Peters Hates Me – True Tales of a Delusional Man. A native of Appalachia, he splits his time between his hometown of Hyden and nearby Lexington, Kentucky. His blog is www.astrongmanscupoftea.com. You can find him on Twitter at @Shiglyogly and Facebook at @AMSCOT (A Strong Man’s Cup of Tea). He is a regular contributor to HumorOutcasts.com and the GoodMenProject.com. He lives with his husband, Andy, and their two dogs, Duke and Dudley.