Go-to-Gay: Words won't bring us down

Introduction by Melissa Amster

Last fall, when Jennifer Tress visited CLC, I talked about my crazy curly hair, which made me an easy target for bullying. Aside from that, I wore my heart on my sleeve and made it easy for people to say mean things to me. It sure didn't make the awkward years of junior high and high school very easy for me in return. However, over time I started to appreciate my looks. My nose that my mom wanted me to have fixed adds character to my face and I can't imagine changing it now. And yes, I still have bad hair days where I wish I could be as brave as one of my friends and just take scissors and do what I want with them. (I have a feeling I'd regret that later!) However, I have embraced my curls for what they're worth and I live in a community where no one questions if I choose to wear a hat or scarf to keep them under control!

It would have been nice to have Gary around during my pre-teen and teen years. I looked to straight guys to validate my appearance, but gay guys tell it like it is without any hidden agenda. (At least that's the case with my gay friend who would rip on my clothes because his honesty meant that when he did give approval, it would mean more. And yes, I'm still close with this friend.)

Inner Divas

Ugly | Define Ugly at Dictionary.com
very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance. 2. disagreeable; unpleasant; objectionable: ugly tricks; ...

Urban Dictionary: ugly
A word used by arrogant a$$holes to make them seem like they are the most beautiful person ever and the person that they are calling "ugly" as a lower life form.

Negative people using negative words are nothing but unhappy control freaks! It is a way to control, hold power over you and fill the void in their own lives. I have worked my whole life to feel self love, acceptance and to be confident about the person I am. The mind, body and spirit of me, my entire being. For years I was shy and didn’t fit in because I didn’t allow myself. I didn’t allow myself because I had let someone have my own power. While seeking acceptance from others along the way I had let go of me. I was wanting and needing validation that I should have been giving myself. I was looking and wanting something from the wrong people. I had surrounded myself with people who wanted to hold me back to put me down so they could stroke their own ego. So many hours of my time were given to worrying about them, about what they think, was I good enough, will I ever be good enough, how can I make them happy. I now know the difference and surround myself with people that love, respect and honor my relationship with them. None of us have to be perfect, we don’t always have to be this shining bright light . When we are down they are there and when life is great they are there, too. No where along the road do they pass judgment. I love the old quote, “A friend is someone who knows you are not perfect, but treats you as if you were.”

I was having breakfast today with a friend who is beautiful on the inside and out, a very intelligent person full of acceptance and compassion. In a conversation she had stated that she was ugly. I was shocked, beyond shocked. I was so far taken back by what she had said. Here I am talking to her as her beautiful curly red hair blew in the wind and then gently lay by her light porcelain skin. Skin and hair some would kill for. I said, “You are beautiful on the inside and out. You don’t really think you are ugly?” She said, “I was told this when I was young, so it is what it is.” Somewhere along the way my friend had given away her own power, her own soul and beauty. The person who took it has not knowledge they even did. Today I hope and pray that I helped her get it back, fill the inner void of loving yourself mind, body and soul. To be able to let the beauty that I see and so many see in her shine.

So the bottom line is simple: Surround yourself with people that will nurture you, love you and respect you! None of us are perfect, none of us are flawless. We are all unique individuals. So let’s all let ourselves shine. Not for anyone else, not to impress, entice or seduce. Not for approval of any kind. Be unique, be bright, and be happy. I look at my clothes and exterior like I do my house. I want it to feel warm, fun and a little quirky, too. We all have our own sense of style, our own drag! Respect yourself, take care of yourself, be true to yourself and never give away your energy and love to a person who can’t give back! Those are the people that are UGLY, and what an UGLY way to live!

I would love to hear your stories of how you stay true to yourself and how you have reclaimed your inner diva when someone robbed you from being genuine and true to yourself.

Gary Edwards is the marketing and events manager for bestselling author Wade Rouse. Edwards arranges Rouse’s tour schedule, speaking engagements as well as coordinates and facilitates his writing workshops and retreats.  Additionally, Edwards has helped market and promote all five of Rouse’s books. Edwards also has a background in hospitality, and sales as well as design. 

With his vast professional back and a love to listen and help friends he is a perfect storm of love and nurture. Edwards is Martha Stewart meets Dear Abby with a dash of Mrs. Doubtfire.  For more, please friend him on Facebook and Twitter.