Go-To-Gay: Couples Therapy? Head to the Beach!

Introduction by Tracey Meyers

Ugh! I hate to admit this, folks... Summer is almost over! However, that doesn't mean it's too late to take one last trip to the beach, pool or any other outdoor destination that just might happen to be a favorite of yours.

For me, going for a run on a hidden trail, a concert at Millennium Park (in Chicago) or sitting outside at a café chatting it up with friends are just a few of the things that make summer such a wonderful time of year.

Today, we welcome Chick Lit Central's Go-To-Gay, Wade Rouse, who is sharing some insight on how one of his favorite summer pastimes can tell you more about your relationship than you could have ever imagined.

Couples Therapy? Head to the Beach!

For keen insight into a couple’s relationship, the Go-To Gay has urged friends for years to skip therapy and head directly to the beach.

Nothing says more about a couple – their dynamic, their roles, the relationship – than how they prepare for and approach a day at the beach.

I’ve come to this realization after analyzing the insanity surrounding how Gary and I prep for the beach. Truly, I’ve come to learn, “a day at the beach” is really an oxymoron and that one’s beach quirks say a lot about a person.

So, since it's August, Chick Lit Central fans, go sit under an umbrella with your favorite book, test my theories, and take note:

Martha vs. Al Bundy
When I go to the beach, I can throw some water, soda and beer into a cooler, toss in some grapes, chips, and a sandwich, and call it a day. But Gary treats a day at the beach as if The Food Network is going to show up and analyze his grub. Gary packs multiple jugs and endless coolers filled with tea, lemonade, Arnold Palmer’s, soda, water with lime, water with lemon, water with mint, and plain water (A camel could survive for decades), alongside a smorgasbord of snacks and sandwiches, pitas and hummus, chips and dips, appetizers and desserts. “The Duggars couldn’t eat this much,” I scream. “And who’s going to carry all of this?”

Pack Mule vs. Ankle Twister
The answer, of course, is me. I am the pack mule. I will carry things strapped on my back, pinned to my head, wrapped around my waist, dangling from my shoulders and arms because Gary – Mr. Yoga – has difficulty walking down a boardwalk without stubbing a toe and throwing a cooler, oh, 500 feet. Although I am the klutz, he is the sand stumbler, forcing me to haul all the loot and defeating the fact that … 

Runway Ready vs. Beach Bum
I spend an hour getting read to go to the beach. There, I admit it. Yeah, I know I’m going to get sweaty and sandy and wet, but I feel a pressure to look runway ready when I swagger down that boardwalk (despite the stuff I’m hauling). Gary is a total beach bum: He throws on a hat, a swimsuit and lotion, and he’s good to go. I find this to be an equal split among couples. However, I will always side with a good friend who says that she wonders if God will judge her as much as people do at the beach when you make your initial stroll down the boardwalk. That’s why I take my time getting ready.

Towel vs. Chair
Although I’ve just spent an hour getting ready, I immediately toss an old sheet onto the sand, throw down a towel, and I’m ready for my day. Gary, on the other, is Lawrence of Arabia, what with his giant hat, his Tiki-fringed umbrella, his elevated, cushioned chair with lumbar support and a donut hole for his face to rest comfortably through when he’s on his stomach. I love the feeling of my toes in the sand. Gary likes being the Boy in the Bubble.

See?

Beach time, I’ve learned, is really all about balance: A Sandy Yin vs. A Watery Yang. It takes the perfect combination to work, the right ice cream to fit the right cone.

So, ladies, as you head to the beach with your man this month, take note: Which beach personality are you? 

And, no matter which you are, own it. And love your beach bum. Remember, no one is perfect, it takes two to tango … and, of course, knock the sand off each other.

Happy August beach reading!

Excerpted from Wade Rouse’s bestselling memoir, At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream: Misadventures in Search of the Simple Life (©Three Rivers Press).

The writings of bestselling humorist Wade Rouse – called “wise, witty and wicked” by USA Today and the lovechild of Erma Bombeck and David Sedaris – have been featured multiple times on NBC’s Today Show as well as on Chelsea Lately on E! and People.com. His latest memoir, It’s All Relative: Two Families, Three Dogs, 34 Holidays and 50 Boxes of Wine (reviewed here) launched in paperback February 1st from Broadway, and he is creator and editor of the humorous dog anthology, I’m Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship: Hilarious, Heartwarming Tales about Man’s Best from America’s Favorite Humorists (NAL). The book features a Foreword by Chelsea Handler’s dog, Chunk, essays by such beloved chick lit authors as Jane Green, and 50 percent of the book’s net royalties go to the Humane Society of the United States. His first memoir, America's Boy, has been re-published by Magnus Books for paperback and Kindle. For more, visit his website, or friend him on Facebook or Twitter.